I never wanted to be a mother. It was one of those things that just happened on my journey through life. It wasn’t an "oops", it wasn’t that unplanned, but it certainly wasn’t on my list of goals.
In the funny way life unfolds, I attended four years of university to acquire a degree for a career I would never pursue and received no training for the job that has largely defined the past sixteen years of my life. A job I will have until my dying days.
I have struggled on many occasions, and found joy on many others. At times I’ve wished I could walk away, and at others I've wished I could stop time and hold a single moment forever.
The road has not been straight, it has in fact been more like an open field with endless possibilities for stars to follow. I can only hope I've been chasing the right ones and they bring me to the mountain top I've been looking for.
And on this journey there are days such as today, Mother’s Day, which feel less like a time of celebration and more like a time to pause and take stock.
As a child, like most children, I didn’t appreciate all that my parents did and sacrificed for my well-being. It didn’t often occur to me that they might have wanted something else in their lives other than to make me happy. I didn’t see, and in truth with the eyes of youth could not have seen, all the layers of caring, coordinating, and giving that go into creating a safe and happy home.
I hadn’t yet had the experience of feeling like a child myself on the inside, but being expected to take charge and give up my own whims in exchange for constructing consistency, order, and safety for another.
The amazing thing is that even now, with this knowledge and experience I’ve gained, it's easy to let the days slip past without acknowledging the gifts and contributions my own mother has made to my life: for her endless support, no matter which star I’ve chosen to chase; for always being available, whether I need to laugh, cry, or complain; for the security of knowing that as long as she is alive, I will never have to face illness, poverty, or hardship alone.
Is there any greater gift? I think not! Knowing that there is one person in this world who cares for me more than life itself… there are no words. It is too great a thing to be contained in words. The only ones that begin to scratch the surface are: Thank You.
Mom, thank you for being that person. Thank you for everything in your own life you’ve given up so that I could live mine.
Thank you for always loving me, even on the hard days.
Thank you for your presence, your persistence, and your infinite blessings.
Thank you for your humor, your good-naturedness, your childlike essence.
Thank you for believing in me and always being my biggest cheerleader.
Thank you for teaching me to believe that anything is possible.
Thank you for questioning “the norm" and not asking me to fit into anyone else’s box.
Thank you for listening and understanding.
Thank you for setting an example and chasing the stars that have called to you.
Thank you for being you.
I love you, now and always!
*My mom with my two kids.