Who's timeline are you on?

How many times have I wished for life to happen on my schedule. For deals to close sooner and learning to happen faster? How many times have I wished for a moment to last a lifetime, or a sunset to freeze frame? How many times have I wished for everything to be different now, or for everything to stay just as it is?

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I look at my watch and think I must, so I can, and then I will. I look at the clock and think why haven’t they, when will they? I look at the sun as it disappears and think, already?

When I was a child, gorgeous summer days and boring math lessons alike seemed to go on into infinity. When I was a child I only looked at the time to see when my favorite cartoon would start. When I was a child I didn’t get the fuss about being “on time.”

When I was a young adult I thought everything should have happened already. When I was a young adult I thought I should have my life mapped out, I thought I should know. When I was a young adult I thought that I had to race to get to some finish line. I never stopped to ask what or who’s finish line I was racing towards.

As a parent I embraced being “on time” and couldn’t figure out why my children didn’t embrace it as well. As a parent I oscillated between tantrum filled days lasting forever and sweet baby kisses too quickly becoming distant memories. As a parent I still wanted the map, and I still wanted my timeline to reign supreme.

Even after years of experience, I still want my timeline to reign supreme. I still want to have everything mapped out. I still want to be “on time.” I still want some moments to last forever and I still look at my watch, my calendar, and my clock to tell me what to do. I still want to know and I still want to be in charge.

But deep down, I know that life happens on it’s own schedule. Deep down I know you can’t rush an oak tree… and I am an oak tree. Deep down I know there is no map. Deep down I know there is no finish line. Deep down I know that I’m not in charge. Deep down I know that my watch doesn’t have the answers I’m looking for. 

Deep down I know I’m already where I’m supposed to be. Deep down I know those baby kisses and sunsets do last forever in the fabric of my heart. Deep down I know that the way is far more beautiful than the map ever could be. Deep down I know that I don’t actually want to be in charge. Deep down I know more than I can see. Deep down I know more than I can feel. Deep down I know more than I can hear. Deep down I know everything is okay.

Deep down I know.